Paging Drew Bennett

[dial tone...]

[dialing Berkeley, CA phone number]

[phone rings]

Hello? Is Drew there?

Yes Mrs. Bennett, this is Billy Volek. I'm a quarterback for the San Diego Chargers, but I used to play with Drew back when we were in Tennessee.

Yes, Mrs. Bennett. I'm still in the league.

Well, yes, I was supposed to be the starting quarterback in Tennessee after Steve left, but then they drafted this kid out of Texas and then everything went down hill from there.

Yes, he's faster than I am. But his arm is questionable.

Oh, you've seen him play?

Well anyways, I was just wondering if Drew would be interested in playing with me this week. See, we're really screwed going into New England, and it is a playoff game. Our running back LaDainian is listed questionable with a hyperextended knee, and I think there's a good chance that I'm even going to play.

No, no, Mrs. Bennett, I'm not the number one quarterback for San Diego. The kid who was playing ahead of me has two sprained knees. Yes, I know he told the Indianapolis fans that he would be back from his injury, but he knows not what he says sometimes.

Okay, most of the time.

Well, you see, while we were able to win last week's game, I think that we may be in a bit of a bind this week. We're facing this guy you may have heard of. His name is Tom Brady and he's pretty good, so we...

Oh, you know Tom? Your what is named "Tom?" Oh, well, that's nice.

So, as I was saying. I think it would be nice to have Drew on my team again. You know, to rekindle the flame per se. Back in '04, we had one hell of a season. Drew caught 80 passes for 1200 yards and 11 touchdowns that year!

Yes, I know ma'am. He has only caught 10 touchdowns since then. But that's because I'm not his quarterback anymore. I'm the yin to Drew's yang, Mrs. Bennett.

What do you mean "that's weird?"

No, its just something that us football players say.

Oh, Drew's never said anything like that?

Well, OK. If you could just pass along the message that I called, it would be great. We could really use him this week. I really miss him, and think it would be nice if... [click]

Hello? Hello? [dial tone]

Rivers, Gates Questionable [SD Union-Tribune]
Philip Rivers Likes to Run His Mouth [NFL FanHouse]

At Least This Was Cool...

While I would have preferred the outcome of the game to be a tad different, there is no denying that witnessing the hit below on Live TV was worth watching the entire 48 minutes.



Feel free to watch it over and over again. I sure am.

So This Is Legal?

I can probably warn you in advance that there are going to be a decent focus on the Browns today. The Steelers lost, the Browns swept the Ravens on the season, and now they're a game out of first.

All of that talk from Ray Lewis that "things will be different when we play them at home. How's that working for you, Ray?

ANYWAYS, I must draw attention to an altercation that took place early on in the contest yesterday. Yes, all of the focus will be on the field goal that was missed, then (not) reviewed and reversed. But this video that provides the evidence of Haloti Ngata blatently punching Joe Thomas in the head...right in front of a referee.

Did he get ejected? Of course not. He did get 15 yards, so the ref obviously saw the punch. The announcers saw it. The other players saw it. How was he still in the game? Whether I'm a Bronws fan or not, the lack of ejection in that instance was utterly rediculous. If helmet to helmet hits are grounds for automatic ejection, shouldn't swinging at another player - while he's on the ground, no less - be thought of in a similar light?

I'm actually going to be very surprised if the league does not do something about this at some point in the week. Of course, I would be more surprised if anything is said regarding the official who did not eject him, but a fine for the player will more than likely be in order. Paging Roger Goodell.

Pardon the awful paintbrush editing, but you catch the drift.

(Thanks to DCScrap for the clip)

Jason Webster Resurrection?

The Buffalo Bills have been one of the NFL's better stories of this season. Many pundits had them pegged to be one of the worst teams in the league. The team decided to prove a few people wrong by rolling to a 5-4 record - good enough for second in the AFC East behind some team from New England.

Opening day saw them lose one of four games as they lost to Denver 15-14. Cornerback Jason Webster broke his forearm in that game and was subsequently placed on the Injured Reserve, ending his season.

However, if you're one of those guys that uses Yahoo!s forecasting system for your fantasy leagues, they've pegged Webster to put up nearly nine points this week as the Bills take on the New England Patriots.

Check it out here...


So, if you're a risk-taker, you can plug the injured (and inactive) Webster into your lineup and see if he can achieve his forecasted six tackles and one-tenth of an interception.

In fact, I suggest you forward this on to all of your IDP leaguemates and suggest they do just that.

So, What's the Deal With LJ?

(Editor's Note: Apologies for the lack of YouTube today - morning was a bitch. Tomorrow, I'll make it up. I promise)

By now, you've heard that MyFox 31 has reported that Chiefs running back Larry Johnson has a broken bone in his foot and will be out for the season.

However, neither the team nor Johnson himself has confirmed this report, leading to speculation that the back may return.

First, who was the "source" close to the Chiefs that reportedly broke the news - no pun intended. It's said that this individual has direct knowledge of both Johnson and the team, but is it possible that this person knows something that the team does not? Or is it just a Belichickian case of not wanting to discuss injuries before a crucial game.

This week's game pits the Chiefs against their division rival Denver Broncos. Johnson could be seeking a second opinion out of pure stubbornness, but only time will tell.

If there is any silver lining for the Chiefs as a team, the Broncos are the worst in the NFL at stopping the run. Even a geriatric Priest Holmes has a shot at flourishing.

Kansas City Chiefs' Larry Johnson Out for Season [MyFox 31]

Morning YouTubeness: "Hines" Rhymes With "Fines"

Morning, all. While I agree with AA that Hines Ward is one of the best blocking wide receivers in the history of the NFL, I have to take the opposing side on this one.

Leading with the helmet and blocking a defensive back are two totally different things. It isn't the first time that Ward has been guilty of such, it just so happens that this one was before the whistle as opposed to the play against Cleveland.

It wouldn't surprise me if the NFL laid down another fine on the wide out despite being "legal" during the course of play. Judge for yourself.



Ed Reed Meet The Best Blocking Wide Receiver In NFL History [Awful Announcing]

No Boom King For Me

Feet, don't fail me now!
Man...Get me the heck outta here!

You're telling me that we're going with a second-year quarterback against Washington this week? Sean Taylor plays for Washington. So does LaRon Landry. Didn't you see what they did to Plax? Reggie Brown? You know what? I think my head's starting to hurt. Yea, yea. I think I have a concussion!

Practice? Nope, sorry...Can't practice today. You guys let Erik sit out last week against Buffalo. You know, he had that concussion as well. What about Vilma? Oh, he's out all season? No, no...I think I just need one game off. I think it'd be best if I sit this one out, ya know?

This Brad Smith guy has been telling me that he'd love to get some playing time in my place. I think he deserves a shot. He's a hard worker.

Hey, isn't Justin McCareins still on this team? Let him go out there and run across the middle for a jump ball from the new guy.

What ever happened to that Wayne Chrebet fellow? He retired? Too many concussions? See I told you he should have had a game or two off. He was a little woozy out there - like I am now. I can't believe I forgot about him. Man, this is some crazy stuff. My head hurts.

Coles Has Concussion, Likely to Sit on Sunday [New York Daily News]
Sean Taylor Is The Boom King [Mister Irrelevant]

Morning YouTubeness: Step Aside, Steely

Morning, folks. The Steelers have seemed to overcome the adversity of Steely McBeam thus far, but can they overcome this?



Is anyone really surprised that this Steelers fan has pierogies and a bottle of Jack Daniels? Really, the only thing missing is the moustache...but we can blame that on poor lighting.

Morning YouTubeness: Stiff Arms Rule

It's pretty rare in the NFL when a defender gets the worse end of a run play. But when you introduce the stiff arm, it evens up the playing field a bit as can be seen by the video below.

I'm a huge fan of using the "arm" in Madden, and it's even better when used in a real game. The Hawaii versus USC screen pass about a minute in could be one of the better stiff arm's I've seen...ever. There's a difference between using one to gain an extra yard or two, and completely leveling a would be tackler with your arm.

Enjoy.

We're Going Streak...Ugh

This video was apparently shot during the halftime of a high school football game.

Scope out the body slam about 25 seconds in followed by the "OH!"

Remind me not to streak near that dude. Or I guess any dudes for that matter.

Morning YouTubeness: Football Explosion

Good morning. While I'm willing to admit that Borat is a little played out at this point, I did stumble across this video.

Did you know that in Kazakhstan, "Football" is a Nuclear Retardation disease where a foot actually grows out of the testes? Now about this "cheerleader" film...

Oh. My.

Huge thanks to FanIQ for linking back to my Kevin Everett story from yesterday, but this video takes the cake...which continues to be an analogy that I really do not get. Who the hell wants to take a cake of all things? Anyways...



Yea, well done there News 12. Doctors believe that that's the wrong video...

Kevin Everett's Locker, Not Hot

While Buffalo Bills tight end Kevin Everett continues to improve from injuries sustained to his spinal cord, two recent occurrences have brought some malcontent.

First was the news that the Bills have been forced to clean out his locker due to what's being called a "space crunch."

Only a week earlier, Head Coach Dick Jauron had the following to say:

"Kevin knows that he's a part of this team and everybody else on the team knows it, too," Jauron said last week. "It's the way it is and the way it'll be. It definitely serves a purpose to keep him right in front of us in that locker room. And we'll keep it that way."

Well, things have obviously changed as injuries continue to plague the Bills, and the team cannot afford to have unused lockers in the room. Apparently, building a few new lockers was out of the question, but what do I know. An offensive lineman named Brad Butler is now the owner of said locker space.

Running back Anthony Thomas, a close friend of Everett, was given "permission" to be the one to pack up Everett's things and send them to Houston where the tight end continues to recover.

To add a bit of insult to injury, for lack of better terms, I recently stumbled upon this picture:



At first glance, you may not be able to tell, but the third picture over in Yahoo!'s "Who's Not [Hot]" page is ... Kevin Everett.

Evidently, nearly paralyzed tight ends aren't exactly a hot commodity in the fantasy world. So, those of you deciding between Antonio Gates and Everett this weekend may want to heed their warning. Many thanks to Yahoo! for pointing this out! Assholes.

(If you're having trouble viewing, the original photo is here)


Bills TE Everett's locker cleaned out because of space crunch [USA Today]
Yahoo = Bastards [Break]

Has Burress Been Hurt All Season?

15 receptions - 262 yards - five touchdowns.

These are the numbers that Giants receiver Plaxico Burress has put up in a mere three weeks. Many wide receivers in the NFL will not total five touchdowns all season long, and Burress has five before the first snap of week four.

But will be be a part of week four? The New York Times is reporting that Burress' latest visit to Charlotte to get examined has resulted in a diagnosis of a "serious sprain to his right ankle." Ronnie Barnes, the team's trainer, was with Burress in Charlotte and had a lot to say about the verdict.

“We will explore all options regarding the most appropriate shoes, orthotics and braces,” according to a release from the Giants. “The best prescription for this injury is rest, and as a result, Plaxico’s practice time for the immediate future will be limited. For the time being, we will continue to evaluate Plaxico’s injury on a day-to-day, week-to-week basis.”

Burress was considered 50-50 at best last week, and went out to record five catches for 86 yards and a touchdown in a huge win over the Redskins. He was recently seen at practice on Thursday, but only was a part of some agility drills.

The one part of the Times article that is striking is that the Giants are "concerned that the injury occured in training camp." This would obviously mean that Burress hasn't been 100% yet this season, but has still put up huge numbers (despite his team being 1-2).

If Burress is considered week-to-week, Giants fans can only wait for the inactive report to come out each Sunday. Regardless, one thing remains true thus far: Burress at less than 100% is better than the majority of receviers in the league at full speed. Where would the Giants be without him had he missed time? Possibly with only one more loss than they're currently toting, but given the laundry list of players on the New York injury report, Burress' toughness has definitely been something for Giants fans to actually be proud of thus far.

Plaxico Update: Yep, He's Hurt [New York Times]

Marc Bulger Has No Excuse For Sucking

One of the teams that I thought would be very successful this season, aside from the New Orleans Saints, was the St. Louis Rams. Another year under the belt of Steven Jackson, new pass-catching options in Drew Bennett and Randy McMichael, and a quarterback in Marc Bulger who proved that he really could play 16 games in a season.

If you were to ask any casual Rams fan, I'm willing to bet that they would have preferred Bulger actually miss last week's game instead of tossing three interceptions in an embarrassing loss to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. A loss that saw one of the (supposed) high-powered offenses in the league put up a total of three points. Thank you, Jeff Wilkins.

News has recently been shared that Bulger in fact has been playing through some pain that has been caused by injured ribs. This would obviously be a good enough reason for being behind players like Joey Harrington, Derek Anderson, Kyle Boller and Damon Huard when it comes to passer rating. Or would it?

Today's St. Louis Post-Dispatch says that Bulger is in fact "OK" to play. What he doesn't say is that he's been calling the plays that have resulted in misfortune.

Would he like to see more aggressive game plans?

"Honestly, I just run what they call," Bulger replied.

Not making excuses, but blaming the play-calling? Did Head Coach Scott Linehan call a play that asked Bulger to audible and underthrow Drew Bennett?

Bulger went on to compare his shoulder injury of the past to the rib injury of the present, stating that he knew he couldn't throw the ball after the shoulder, and that this injury isn't effecting his throwing ability.

This week brings an undefeated Dallas team that will provide a increased pass-rush over what the Rams saw against Tampa Bay. Somewhere, Demarcus Ware is licking his chops in knowing that with no Orlando Pace and no Steven Jackson, he'll get his shot at Bulger - likely several times over. Will there be a Gus Ferrotte sighting? If so, don't blame it on the ribs.

Bulger Maintains He's OK To Play [St. Louis Post-Dispatch]
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 24, St. Louis Rams 3 [YouTube]

Morning YouTubeness: "Best Team In The League, What Chu Know 'Bout That?"

Quite an odd line written in a song about a team that's currently 0-3. The Saints dropped another one, this time to the Titans...at home.

Reggie Bush finally had a solid game with two touchdowns, but it was at the expense of Deuce McAllister who reportedly tore his ACL in the game.

Vince Young threw for 164 and two touchdowns. LenDale White rushed for 50 yards, but also found pay dirt. Brandon Jones (likely one of the better receivers you haven't heard of) had 73 yards on four receptions and a touchdown.

But without further ado, the best team in the league.



Saints McAllister Has Torn ACL [CBS News]

Revenge or Hypocrite?

Maybe somebody has got to tell me the rule. I should tell the ref, 'Blow it right before he kicks it, regardless of a play time.'"

Those were the words of Oakland Raiders Head Coach Lane Kiffin last week after his Raiders team lost to the Denver Broncos following a missed field goal attempt as time expired.

Fast forward to this past weekend.

It would appear that Kiffin had been studying his rule book over the week, as he did the exact same thing that was done unto him by Mke Shanahan – resulting this time in a blocked kick and a win for his team.

"I didn't hear the whistle," [Browns kicker Phil] Dawson said. "I thought we won the game."

Not so much, Phil. Granted, watching the game I thought you would’ve made the second attempt being that it’s only 40 yards out, but who am I to place judgement?

Giving Phil some credit, the Browns offensive line was simply awful – allowing several Raider defenders through the gaps. Last week, Janikowski missed the second attempt. This week, the ball never even made it back to the line of scrimmage.

Yesterday’s game ends the Raiders losing streak, but keeps the Browns streak of not winning two games in a row alive and well. Kiffin is the second rookie Head Coach to knock down the Browns in three weeks. At this rate, the game against Arizona isn’t looking so hot right now. Next week’s opponents of the Browns (Baltimore Ravens) managed to win their game in the closing seconds – with the ex-Browns kicker Matt Stover bringing home the three points needed. Full circle, eh?

Kiffin’s post-game comments were as followed:

"That one was for Mike," Kiffin said. "Thanks, Mike."

The “Mike,” of course, is Mike Shanahan.

Yea…Thanks, Mike.

Timed Out [Contra Costa Times]
Cleveland Browns Lose... [Cleveland Plain Dealer]
Raiders' Kiffin Learns a Lesson [San Jose Mercury News]

Morning YouTubeness: Pay Attention, J.P.

Happy Friday to all. Big thanks to Dennis for taking over for a few minutes yesterday even though it was about Michigan.

Today's little clip features digital Buffalo Bills players making a touchodown pass. Why do I have to show you digital Buffalo Bills completing such a feat? Beacause the real ones can't do it, that's why.

If anyone can show this to Lee Evans (who's absolutely killing me thus far) and J.P. Losman, please do.



Of course, it's always refreshing to see a clip of Don Beebe when he's not doing this...

Possible Pink Slip?

A good friend of mine was kind enough to pass along today's TMQ piece that hinted towards the possible firing of Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick.

By acting Nixonian, Belichick is accelerating his fall from grace. Today, Belichick and New England are trying to pretend the scandal is over. It would not surprise me in the slightest if, before the season ends, Belichick resigns, or is suspended, or is fired by Kraft, or even is permanently barred from the league.

The piece goes on to disseminate Belichick as a sacrificial lamb of sorts. To keep the integrity of a league that saw so few penalties under an old regime, the resignation (forced, undoubtedly) would be necessary.

Greg Easterbrook continues discuss the gravity-esque factors that could play a part in this decision. The NFL doesn't have to remain popular forever, and could see a NBA-like decline in popularity that came after the era of Jordan/Bird/Magic. Coincidently, this is the same decline that also featured an increase in off-court problems, the "hip-hop" era, and of course last season's All-Star break in Las Vegas.

While breaking the law and breaking league rules can be two totally different violations, the level of cheating has not been capped to this point. The glass ceiling of sorts may be perceived by many - but for cynics out there, it's just beginning.

Belichick's cheating could lead to dark days for NFL [ESPN]

Sexy Rexy, Mental Midget?

Get ready for a little person rally on the streets of San Diego.

With the Chicago Bears taking a beating from the San Diego Chargers this past weekend, the insults are continuing to bubble up. This time, the Chicago Tribune reports that linebacker Matt Wilhelm quoted coach Ron Rivera in calling Bears quarterback Rex Grossman a "mental midget."

The puffy-chested Chargers postgame remarks simply warned the Bears that future opponents will want to get inside their heads because, word around the league is, there's plenty of room.

This all coming down the pike after the Bears were upset regarding their defense being displayed as the weaker half against LaDanian Tomlinson in a Nike commercial. While failing to prove the media wrong on said advertisement, their offense took a beating as well with linebacker Shaun Phillips delivering a sack that Grossman deemed the "hardest hit he's ever taken."

But did anyone hit Matt Wilhelm in the head?

Thinking here is that Wilhelm is in fact the "mental midget." Who takes something the coach tells the team in private to the media - ESPECIALLY when it refers to how dumb an opposing player may possibly be - and think that it is perfecty acceptable? Has anyone even cared about what Matt Wilhelm has had to say since Ohio State? Even then he probably wasn't providing in-depth thoughts.

For the record, Rivera considered Wilhelm's revelation regrettable and said in a phone interview that he addressed the matter with the linebacker.

No kidding. You mean that Rivera doesn't like being in that light? The San Diego coaching staff may want to hire some PR staff to follow their players around when confronted with media opportunities. We all know that Grossman isn't exactly thought of as the Albert Einstein of football, but Wilhelm definitely blew by him on the Low-IQ freeway.

Midget Remark... [Chicago Tribune]

Picture courtesy of KSK